Deconstruction Zone

Hello everyone! I'm still here. Several people have recently asked me why I stopped writing. Quite frankly, I'm shocked! I didn't think anyone still checked this site. Actually, I really wouldn't know since I took off all the little gadgets that tell me how many people come to my site. I don't care anymore! It's a nice sort of freedom, to write just for the sake of writing. An audience is nice, but it's no longer necessary for me like it was when I first started blogging. I do plan on picking up the habit of blogging again, but for different reasons, for myself mostly.

I think I stopped writing because I stopped knowing what to write about. I knew from the beginning that I never wanted to have one of those "let me tell you about what I had for lunch today" sort of blogs. I wanted purpose, some direction, even a sort of theme. Since the beginning of this blog, I've struggled to find this illusive "theme." Such is life, I've discovered.

What's the "theme" of my life (and subsequently, of this blog)? Hell if I know! At this point in my life, and maybe for the rest of my life, there are very few things I know for sure. What I know for sure is the supremacy of Love over all things, and that if God exists (and I believe with all my heart that He does), then He is Love. Love also manifests itself in the form of grace, mercy, patience, kindness, and these are the most important things in the world.

What's the direction of my life (and subsequently of this blog)? All I know for sure is that I have some sort of direction, as do we all. We're born and then we die, which in itself is direction. The little detours we take along the way and what the end destination means to us is where we all differ. Like I said, there's not a lot of things I know for sure, but I do believe that my life won't end with my death, and I believe that what I do along the way matters.

So what should I do along the way? This is where I am presently very confused. I'm stuck in a deconstruction zone. I'm deconstructing all the previous beliefs I held about what I thought I should do. I don't want to jump through the hoops anymore! My goodness, there were so many hoops. Go to church on Sunday, give 10%, act like a good helpmeet, and at the same time hide the fact that you're a woman by never ever buying clothes that accentuate any womanly features you may have, never let on that you secretly think that yes, God loves gay people too, never let anyone know that you like saying the word "shit" sometimes, only show your tattoos around people that you know are okay with them, and for crying out loud don't let ANYONE know that you're a democrat!

Is this what I have to do for God to love me? I don't think so anymore, but a lot more research needs to be done. I'm going to take the things I'm pretty sure I know for sure (God exists, God made people, God loves EVERYONE, God is Jesus, and Jesus died for people, God wants me to love other people, God wants other people to love him, God wants us to love each other, God is love, you cannot buy God's love with words or actions, I am free) and figure out the rest. I guess that is what this blog will be about. I want to blog about what freedom is. I want to blog about what love is and what love is not (I have a feeling a lot of what I experienced in American Evangelicism was not love, but some of it was), and I want to blog about who God is. I really don't know exactly because I can't even read my Bible without struggling to take off that Evangelical lens. Most of all I want to be honest, and of course I'm also going to write about living in Taiwan and my new hobby of cooking Chinese food. Ah, blessed deconstruction. It's time to start from the beginning again.

If you're along for the deconstruction ride, check out these places:

The God Journey
Abandon Image
White Washed Feminists
Under Much Grace
true womanhood in the new millennium
internet monk
adventures in mercy
Real Live Preacher