Belly Pic #1

It's getting a little bigger, but I still think it looks more like a fat belly than a baby belly.



As of right now I'm about 18 weeks. Almost halfway there! =)

Shaking off the Dust

It's been awhile and I feel like my writing brain is dusty, covered with lots of rust and cobwebs. I wasn't writing because not only are all these pregnancy hormones making me feel extremely nauseous and completely lacking in energy, but they have robbed me of my once firm (if I do say so myself) grasp on reality. I used to love living in Taiwan! Then I got pregnant and all of the sudden it's a terrible place full of sooty car exhaust and oily chou dofu fumes, and they don't even have pumpkin spice lattes! I'd walk over a sewer grate, do my best not to vomit, then I'd run for cover in an alley only to come face to face with a boiling, simmering pot of duck innards. I started to think that Taiwan isn't the best place to be pregnant.

I also got depressed and sort of sank into this sick, useless feeling. Being so sick, compounded by the smells and the heat and the crowds, made me start to wonder if I now hated living in Taiwan. I was also very bored. Before I found out about our little "surprise", I was studying Chinese like mad. I went to class every day and even quit all of my English teaching gigs so I could devote all of my attention to studying Chinese. We felt this was what God wanted me to do. How could I really love and understand Taiwan's people and culture without knowing the language? Then that second line appeared on the home pregnancy test. It was faint, but clearly there and not going away. At first I didn't really feel any different and thought I would just continue my intensive Chinese studies (3 hours of class every day, about 5 hours of homework every night, and weekly character tests), maybe stop for a few weeks when I needed to have the baby, then just pick right off where I left off. I was so naive.

The vomiting started at about 6 weeks (I found out I was pregnant at about 4 weeks) and didn't stop until ... uh, actually it still hasn't stopped. I'm 15 or 16 weeks now and it has abated somewhat. I now can go about 2 days without vomiting if I concentrate real hard. When I do start throwing up again I have medicine I can take, but it puts me in a weird, psychedelic coma-like state that I don't wake up from for about 6 hours (it's just a prescription combination of B6 and an antihistamine, but it is one STRONG antihistamine). This isn't very pleasant and makes my already slipping grasp on reality more tenuous, so I try to just deal with the nausea and think fresh, good-smelling thoughts.

The useless feeling mentioned above comes from the utter boredom of being home sick all the time. Once the morning sickness made itself at home, my Chinese classes came to an abrupt end. I would like to pick them up again as soon as I'm feeling a bit more energetic, but I'll probably get a tutor. I just can't handle the stress of a class with actual academic expectations right now! There's really no sense in me looking for another English teaching job now for several reasons. First of all, I'd probably have to run out of the class to vomit a lot, which wouldn't be good. Second, they'd have to be willing to hire me knowing that in about 6 months I would be taking time off to have a baby. Third, who the heck is going to take care of the baby when he/she gets here? This last question is something that hadn't occurred to me prior to getting pregnant. Our family is in America, so we can't just drop off the baby at Grandma's house on our way to work. My husband has a good job (unusually good for English teaching in Taiwan) and he's in the middle of getting his master's degree, so it just makes sense for me to be the one that stays home for the time being. I've somehow become a SAHM without ever intending to!

Now that I'm home most of the time, I'm trying to figure out how to still have a fulfilling life. It's a bit difficult now because I'm sick and tired all the time, and I'm also pretty bored because the baby isn't here yet (I'm sure once the kid gets here I'll have more to do). I look forward to the weather getting a bit cooler and my energy returning so I can start getting things in order now. For example, I need to make sure I have things in my life that AREN'T directly related to taking care of a baby (although I will do my best in that area of course). I need to make sure I'm still learning. What I want to have as "mine" right now is learning Chinese, improving my writing, reading a lot, continuing to help out with different OMF ministries as much as I can, and friends. Friends is especially important because being home a lot has been lonely. That's a whole other post, though!

So that's where I've been and where I'm at. I'm feeling a little better, but not that great. I'm waiting for the nausea to go away and my energy to return so that I can start figuring out how to live this new life of mine. Until then I guess I'll have to try and do stuff on the days I feel good, and try not to feel guilty about doing absolutely nothing on the days I feel like crap. I have the best husband! On top of working and studying like a fiend, he still does his best to satisfy my food cravings and keep the house clean when I'm too sick to move. My dog, Mei Mei, has also been great company on my can't-get-up-off-the-couch days. I'm trying to remember that the disdain I feel for Taiwan on my bad days is not real, it's just a combination of hormones and sickness driving me nuts. Normally I love living in Taiwan for so many reasons! I think pregnancy just brings about "culture stress" in a lot of new ways. I hope to really work on my writing, so hopefully you'll be hearing from me more. Thanks for listening!

Announcement and Apology

Hello everyone! I found out that I'm pregnant (a bit of a surprise, but a happy one) a few weeks ago, and have been planning on writing a nice deep, beautiful post about the joys of expecting my first child. I can't though because I've been puking my brains out. I feel so sick and sometimes all I can do is lie on the cold floor and moan. So, this post will have to serve as my official announcement and my official apology for not blogging in so long. For now, this is as good as it's gonna get because I have to go throw up again. Ugh.

My mom talks to the Wallflowers!

My brother went to a Wallflowers concert and for some reason decided to call my mom during the show. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but my brother ended up onstage and one of the Wallflower guys (sorry, don't know enough about the band to know their names and all that stuff) ended up talking to my mom on the phone. Naturally, my mom is very excited about this.



In other news, it's the 4th of July and I get no BBQ or fireworks over here in Taiwan! What a tragedy. Happy 4th to all my American friends and family! Please eat a chicken wing slathered in fatty, tangy BBQ sauce for me, and light a few illegal fireworks from Mexico. Might as well go all the way, right?

NCCU Chinese Class Update

I've been super super super busy, and I haven't had time to tell everyone what happened with my whole finding-the-right-Chinese-class drama. However, it just so happens that right now I'm procrastinating on studying for a test I have tomorrow, so right now is a perfect time for a little update.

First of all, I found out that my whole concept of how they divide the different levels and classes at NCCU was screwed up. This was due to the fact that I was still thinking in terms of the old PAV (Practical Audio-Visual Chinese, THE book for Chinese study in Taiwan), not the second edition. Many of you may already know that the old edition of the PAV series was comprised of (as far as I know) two big honkin' books -- level one and level two. Now it looks prettier and it's divided into 5 or 6 books I think, maybe more. This means that I don't have to carry as big of a book to class, and each level book starts at chapter one for that book. So although my new class is starting in chapter 7 of book 2, this is really chapter 19 of the old book 1. So basically, I freaked out for nothing because I thought I would be starting in chapter 7 of the old book 2. To make a long story short, I'm in the perfect level for me now (besides the fact that I still have some major catching up to do with character writing), and I'm learning so much in my new class!

Now, allow me to sing the praises of my class at NCCU. It's 3 minutes from my house, and it's in a beautiful part of Taipei -- that's a plus! I have to walk up a steep hill and a bunch of stairs to get to my class, which is actually a plus because it's forcing me to exercise. There's a 7-11 with City Cafe coffee on campus right across from the foreign language building -- sweet! My teacher is really energetic and fun, and uses a lot of modern teaching techniques in our class (by the way, it turns out she has a blog). The three hours just fly by, and I get a lot of speaking practice because the classes at NCCU are really small (there's just six of us and we all sit at one big table). And guess what? I even like the fact that I have to get up at 7:15 AM to go to class every day! I've always wanted to become a morning person, and while I'm definitely not there yet, I'm getting a little closer every day. It's like there's this whole other world outside when you wake up early! I discovered on my first day of class that there's a vibrant morning market selling all kinds of fresh meat, fruit and vegetables right downstairs from my house. I just never knew because I never got up early enough to see it.

Well, I really do need to start studying for my test tomorrow. We're learning the whole 把 sentence construction, which is actually really easy but I have to make sure I know how to write all the characters that I'm going to need to know for the test tomorrow. I'll leave you with a little bit of cuteness to make your heart happy:

Here's the background story: Mei Mei used to sleep under the table by my feet whenever I was at the table doing something (i.e. eating, studying, playing around on the computer), but lately she's been hopping up on a chair and from there actually hopping up onto the table.






I guess she thinks she's helping me study?

First Day at NCCU - Lord, help me!

I left my first day of Chinese class at NCCU today with very mixed feelings. In fact, I'm quite perplexed over what I should do. Here's my situation. I took their placement test just so they could officially tell me what I already knew; my speaking isn't bad, my writing sucks, and since writing trumps speaking in this system*, I'm going to the beginner class. I mentally prepared myself to be stuck in a class full of "ni hao" learning, but I still didn't despair for a few reasons. One, I knew that the teacher, once I impressed her with my stellar speaking skills, could chose to send me to the next level up (why are the office people often more picky about knowing characters than the actual teachers themselves?), and two, I knew that the class would probably have quite a few students that were in the same boat as me (being able to speak okay but not able to write), and so even if I didn't get moved up I could still have some substantial Chinese conversations and just tune out all the boring stuff. I was also looking on the bright side by telling myself that I could just breeze through this class and easily get a score of over 80, which is just what I need to get a scholarship and then start taking my "real" Chinese class for free next session. Also, as much as I hate to admit it, I do need time to get caught up on my characters.

I looked at the Summer class schedule that they posted on their website, and I thought it said I was in level one. Well, apparently I just don't understand how to read their crazy schedule. It turned out I was put in the next level up. Cool! I was so happy because that would mean I would still learn some new stuff, but it would be easy enough for me to spend time getting caught up on my characters. The class is still book one of the infamous PAV (Practical Audio-Visual Chinese) book, but it starts at lesson 11. This was just what I wanted!

My joy was very short lived. As soon as I got to the class and started chatting with the teacher, she told me this class would be too easy for me. I thought she was just flattering me because I don't think I have a firm grasp of all the grammar constructions in the class material yet. Then this guy comes in. I think he said he was German, but I don't know for sure because he was very hard to understand. He was what you would call a hippie type, which I gathered by the fact that he wore weird pine cone jewelry and had really long hair. Anyway, this guy couldn't really speak Chinese. That's fine, we've all been there. But shouldn't he be in the beginner class? No, because he just finished that class and was indiscriminately funneled up into the next class. I kept waiting to get into PAV, but the teacher had to spend the whole class teaching this guy stuff like how to tell time and the difference between shang ke and xia ke. Where was he during level one? Out gathering pine cones apparently.

It was only me and the hippie guy in the class, so he ended up (although I know he didn't mean to) determining the pace of the class. I learned absolutely nothing new and was not able to have a single substantial conversation. And get this, on the break he tried to English bandit me! He had been using English the entire class (even though both me and the teacher kept trying to guide him back to Chinese), and on the break he asked me if he could please speak English with me because he was also learning English at TLI. I told him, in a very nice way, that he should speak English at TLI and Chinese at NCCU, and that I come to Chinese class specifically to speak Chinese. It didn't do much good though.

Here's where I'm at now. The teacher wants me to try a different level class tomorrow morning, but that class is in lesson 7 of book 2 of PAV. That seems like a huge jump to me! I just don't feel like I'm there yet. I peeked in the book and I'm supposed to already know how to say things like "psychology" in Chinese by the time I get to lesson 7 of book 2. I also have the option of going to a class that is starting lesson 1 of book 2. This seems like the most logical choice, right? That's what I want to do, but my teacher insisted that that class is basically the same as hers, and if her class is too easy then that one would be too. I don't see how that can possibly be true, because there are 14 lessons between her class and the other class that starts at lesson 1 of book 2.

I'm annoyed, to say the least. I'm annoyed because I think that I'm actually in the right level now, but I have to go to a level that's too high for me in order to get away from this guy that obviously should have been repeated and is now slowing down the class I should be in. I'm annoyed because the teachers keep telling me that I should go to another level if I actually want to learn anything, but I'm going to fail all the tests in that "better for me" level because I don't know the Chinese characters. So I basically have to choose between really learning and failing their "system" or succeeding in their system and not really learning anything. I'm also annoyed that they act like they expect so much of you when you take the placement test (and make you feel stupid and guilty for not knowing characters), but then once you're in the system they won't hold back the people that need to be held back (I know this because they're even very reluctant to let people willingly repeat courses at places like NCCU and Shida).

I realize that this is a very ranty post, and maybe I'm being a bit hard on the hippie guy. It's not his fault that he's in the wrong level. He's only been in Taiwan for 3 months (as opposed to my 3 years), and he's obviously just being rushed through their system. Also, his character writing is very good! I did my best to encourage him, but I draw the line at letting him use me for English practice in Chinese class.

There are a lot of good things about NCCU. The teachers seem good, and they have the smallest class sizes that I've ever seen. I'm just so worried about being put in the wrong level. Is it okay to be put in a level that's too high because it'll force me to play catch-up and learn quickly, or will this be completely overwhelming and drive me crazy? Help! Please give me some advice!




*Some may wonder why I'd willingly subject myself to such a stupid system that valued writing Chinese hieroglyphics characters over more important things like speaking. All I can say is that in the 3 years I've been here I've tried learning Chinese many different ways, and as flawed as this system is, it just works the best for me. I struggle with laziness and motivation, and the only way I can get myself to study is with a test looming on the horizon. Also, as I progress in my Chinese, I'm starting to want to learn characters more and more.