Birth Story

I had my baby! Hurray! A lot of people have been asking me about the birth, and I know that if I don't take advantage of this little window of time I have now, I'll never get it out. That's one of the things I've learned about being a mother; I have to get used to doing everything in 1.5-2 hour intervals. That's about how often he nurses during the day now (I get about 3-3.5 hour stretches at night usually), and when it's time for him to eat I have to drop everything and feed the little guy. Then he goes into a nice sleepy milk coma (unless he's fussy), and I can get stuff done or take a nap until the next cycle. So, with that being said, I'm exhausted and I don't have much time. I'm going to have to just regurgitate the story here without worrying about writing well or making it sound nice. Sorry!

Jonathan William Hudson was born March 10, 2010 at 2:10 AM at 38 weeks. He was about 6.7 pounds and 20 inches long. Here's what happened:

I woke up at about 11:00 AM (little did I know that would be the last time I got to sleep in) on March 9th. Our bed was so uncomfortable for me at that point, so I was sleeping on our couch. As soon as I woke up I felt a little gush, so I stood up quickly to try and avoid getting whatever it was on the couch (I was not successful). The fluid leaked a little bit on the floor as well. It may sound stupid, but like many first time moms, I wasn't convinced that this was my water breaking. For one thing, I was only 38 weeks and I was convinced that I would never be one of the lucky ones that went a couple of weeks early. Everyone I know who has had a baby recently has suffered along until about 41 weeks usually! It also wasn't a huge gush. I knew it didn't have to be a huge gush, but I thought this could be my mucus plug or something. Don't ask me why I thought it could be my mucus plug, but as far as I knew, I hadn't lost it yet. I also hadn't had any bloody show. Nothing was what I expected it to be, so I was in denial.

I woke Ian up (we were really living up our last days of sleeping in) and told him that my water may be leaking. We were both excited at the possibility, but didn't want to get our hopes up. I called my doula, Angie, and she tried to convince me that I was starting early labor. I still wasn't convinced.

Ian and I took a walk to our favorite Sichuan restaurant for lunch, and I had to stop every once in awhile because I felt a little crampy, especially in my lower back. Believe it or not, I still didn't think I was in early labor. For one thing, I knew that it's normal to feel a bit crampy sometimes during pregnancy, and for all I knew I was experiencing braxton hicks contractions. I never once had braxton hicks contractions during my whole pregnancy, so I had no idea what they were supposed to feel like. I also kept feeling little gushes, but when I looked at the pad I was wearing later I couldn't really tell if it was wet or not because it was so absorbent.

Throughout the next couple hours Ian and I were trying to figure out whether I was really in labor or not, and whether he should go to work that evening or not. Angie, who I was keeping in touch with the whole time, was sure I was in early labor but told us not to expect things to really move along until much later that night. I was still in denial, so I sent Ian to work but decided to get my hospital bag ready and tie up a few loose ends around the house just in case.

As the evening went on, I allowed myself to admit that my "waves of crampiness" that seemed to be coming closer and closer together were actually contractions. They were still manageable, but definitely bordering on painful. I cursed myself for not getting my hospital bag ready early, because it was so hard to focus and pack all the necessary crap when I was having to stop what I was doing and focus on getting through a contraction every couple of minutes.

Ian kept calling me every chance he got to check on me, and I started timing my contractions. At first they were about 8 minutes apart, then 5 minutes, and before I knew it 3 minutes apart. I wanted to really try and let Ian finish his shift at work, but by the time they were 3 minutes apart they were becoming more painful and I wanted to get to the birth center. Ian ended up leaving work to come home at 9:00 PM instead of 10:00 PM; an hour early.

On his way home he flagged down a taxi and had it waiting for me downstairs, I had everything ready, but I swear, it was the most messy, ridiculously packed hospital bag ever. I ended up bringing a million outfits for the baby because I had no idea whose responsibility it was to clothe the child during our stay. We got in the taxi and were on our way. My contractions were still about 3 minutes apart, and every bump in the road made them worse. Ian just reached his hand back and I squeezed his hand and breathed through them each time. It was the most uncomfortable car ride ever!

We arrived at the birth center about 20 minutes later. I couldn't wait to get in the LDR room and start laboring with the shower and the tub and the cool ceiling rope thingie, but they made me lie down and be monitored for 20 minutes so they could get a reading on the baby and Ian could fill out paperwork. Lying on my back like this was so uncomfortable, how do women handle having continuous fetal monitoring? Anyway, I was contractions were good and the babies heartbeat was good. They checked me (I was surprised at how uncomfortable this felt, but I guess anything feels uncomfortable when you're lying on your back having contractions), and I was 2 cm. I was happy that I wasn't 0 like I feared, but also a bit disappointed that I wasn't further along. They also checked for amniotic fluid, and it appeared that my water hadn't broken yet, but that I was just leaking a bit earlier.

Finally, I was admitted into my LDR room. I was eying the nice tub, but I decided I wanted to save the big guns for the end when my contractions were really unbearable. I sat on the ball, hung on the rope, and got in their amazing shower. The shower and the ceiling rope thingie were soooo helpful! It's weird how hanging off of a rope can help with pain, but it does. Angie also arrived by this time with some McDonalds for us since we had forgotten to eat dinner and I was starving.

So we ate, I did my thing, Angie massaged me, and Ian learned NOT to ask me questions during a contraction. A nurse would come in periodically to check the baby's heartbeat with a doppler, and everything was going well. At some point my OB showed up and checked me, and also stripped my membranes to speed things up a bit (I was okay with this since I was already in labor). I was more than 4 cm at that point with a bulging bag of water. Progress!

A little bit later the nurses came in to get another 20 minute reading on the fetal heart monitor. This is when things started to go south. Jonathan's heartbeat was faint and difficult to find. Angie told me not to worry because it could have just been due to his position, but then some more nurses came in with oxygen. They said I needed the oxygen because Jonathan needed more oxygen. Then another nurse came in with an IV of glucose for me, and then Dr. Li, my OB, was there. Jonathan's heart rate was a lot lower than it should have been (somewhere in the 80s I think); not good! Dr. Li started talking to Ian in Chinese, thinking that I couldn't understand. I didn't understand everything, but I heard her tell him that she wanted to explain things to him first so I wouldn't be scared. That freaked me out more!

Dr. Li broke my water (with her finger in the middle of a contraction; not comfortable at all) to make sure there wasn't any meconium (this would have been a clear sign of distress). The water was clear, so at that point we were going to keep monitoring his heart rate closely and wait and see if it went up. It wasn't going up though and Dr. Li started to get worried. Apparently, it wasn't good that Jonathan's heart rate was so low this early on in labor, and it seemed Jonathan wasn't getting enough oxygen. I found out later that they were also worried about a prolonged lack of oxygen causing brain damage. It's a good thing I wasn't aware of that possibility at the time! I would have been freaking out even more.

At this point it was pretty clear that Jonathan's cord was being compressed and that he was not getting enough oxygen. Things went into emergency mode and they quickly wheeled me into the OR (Ian and Angie came too) for an emergency c-section. Everything happened so fast, and the situation had become so serious that all the nurses and doctors were just preparing everything without explaining a whole lot. Thank God Angie was there to talk us through everything! They had paged the anesthesiologist and she was on her way, but there was no time to waste and they needed to prep me before the epidural was in.

This part was a little scary. They had to put a catheter in, which kind of sucked because I didn't have the epidural in and it sort of hurt. Then they put the little sheet up, gave me a bunch of shots across my stomach to numb my uterus, painted my stomach with iodine, and kept saying the anesthesiologist would be there any minute. Then Dr. Li said they couldn't wait anymore and that they would just have to knock me out. The last thing I remember is the room swirling around and me thinking about that movie, Awake, where the guy goes through heart surgery awake and can feel everything. Don't see this movie!

I really need Ian to come on here and write everything from his point of view, especially from this point on because I was knocked out. Both Ian and Angie told me later that they were really scared but neither of them let any of that show in front of me. When I started to come to, I heard a baby crying, but at this point I didn't really know it was my baby or that I had even given birth yet. Dr. Li was by my head, holding my hand and explaining everything that had happened. I said, "Where am I, what's that crying?" I was so out of it and had to have to situation explained to me at least 5 times or so. Apparently I was also using quite colorful language! I saw Ian across the room holding a baby, and it slowly began to dawn on me that it was actually our baby.

Here's the weird thing that I think is a bit different than the way they do things in the U.S. They manage the post-operative pain from a c-section here with an epidural, so even though the surgery was done, at this point the anesthesiologist (I don't know when she arrived) was there and put an epidural in. I'm glad I was still kind of out of it for this! I also remember complaining that I could feel pain and wondered why the epidural wasn't making me numb from the waste down so I didn't have to feel anything. Later I found out that epidurals are typically a lot lighter in Taiwan, and this wasn't an epidural for having a baby but one that they put in place just as a way to keep pain meds going into me at certain times (the epidural was in for about 2 or 3 days for this purpose). So I could still move my legs and feet, and they gave me a shot of morphine in my IV to hold me over until the epidural medication kicked in.

Finally, I was wheeled into the recovery room, and it was just me, Ian, Angie, and our little Jonathan. Ian was holding Jonathan, and everyone kept asking me if I wanted to see him. The most surprising thing is that I actually said no at first because I was so drugged up and didn't really know what was going on, and I wanted to wait until I came to a little more and my pain was more numbed, and then have this beautiful moment with my son. Very soon after that I was a lot more lucid, and the nurses helped me sit up and they brought my son to me. I'm not sure, but I think we had been separated for about an hour at this point. He latched on right away though with this ravenous little appetite of his, and he's never had any problems latching or nursing. This is when our whole bonding and falling in love with each other began!

I learned a few things from this experience. I wanted this beautiful natural birth, and I suppose if I had been more lucid during the process I would have been worried about possible bonding issues or whatever because of the way Jonathan was born. Nothing bad happened though! We bonded fine, he nursed fine, and I don't feel like a beautiful experience was robbed from me. I realize now that worrying about every little detail of birth is silly (this isn't to say you shouldn't prepare though). You can't control everything, and in the end, things usually work out fine. I'm so happy that he's healthy and safe!

My recovery has been good. We stayed at the birth center for about 4 days. The first day I didn't get out of bed, the second day I began moving around and walking slowly with help (and they took the catheter out -- yippee!), and on the third day I think they took out the IV and epidural. Now I'm moving round and doing everything like I normally would at home, and I have to remind myself to take it easy because I just had surgery. Everything is great though! We're all exhausted and adjusting to life with a newborn, but I love my little man and wouldn't change a thing.

I finally have my camera back!

While I may be no photographer, and while I'm usually very lazy about taking pictures, I missed my little point-and-shoot Canon so much once it was gone! It was dropped from quite a big height for a wee little digital camera months ago, and I've been waiting for it to get fixed ever since. I took it to a camera repair shop that came highly recommended and usually does good work, but for some reason they just kept not completely fixing it. Of course it would be fine at the shop when they gave it back to me, but then it would start acting funky again as soon as I got it home. Finally, after taking it back to the shop for the fourth time, I laid on the guilt pretty thick and told them that I was beginning to think that I would have no camera to capture my first child's first precious moments of life. They felt really bad and kept it for two weeks, and finally did a thorough check and discovered the real problem. The real problem ended up being much more complicated and expensive than the other minor problem that I paid them to repair, but they fixed it for free. So now, I've been trying extra hard to be mindful of photo opportunities and taking advantage of them when they come my way. I still kind of suck at taking pictures, but hopefully I'll improve with practice. Here's a few moments from my life that I've captured recently:


I don't know why I thought this looked cool. I'm spying on the comings and goings of the worshipers at Longshan Temple through a space in the outside wall.


Going to get some dou hua. I actually don't like this place so much because they're a chain and skimp on all the good gloopy bits, but they were there and I had a craving.


Here's my favorite dou hua combination: dou hua with boiled peanuts (I never cared much for peanuts until I came to Asia and had them boiled) and glutinous balls made from sweet potato and taro. There should be way more glutinous balls!


Wow, I just realized that most of my pictures seem to be food related! I spend a great part of my day looking for and consuming good food. Anyway, here is one of my favorite Zongzi places, which happens to be right outside Dingxi station, which happens to be the MRT near our apartment. As you can imagine, I come here a lot to take care of my Zongzi cravings.


Here's some of that delicious Zongzi hanging. I guess they're hanging out to dry? I'm not too sure of the process, but they always have to be hung for awhile.


Here's Ian looking handsome as ever. We were at Warner Village with our friend Catherine, who is my PPIC (pregnant partner in crime, she's the clever one who coined this phrase), about to go to the Taipei International Book Expo (where we bought our first children's books for Jonathan). You can tell that people are gearing up for Chinese New Year by all the lanterns hanging in the background.

That's it for now. Stay tuned for more mediocre but interesting photography!

Something lost, something gained

Let's start with the negatives; I've lost a lot since becoming a mom (or more accurately, a mom-to-be). Perhaps the most glaring among these is the loss of bodily autonomy. No one really warned me about this!

I used to think that being pregnant would just involve my normal body with a large ball-like tummy instead of my usual one. How wrong I was! Although my son supposedly just weighs a little over 3 pounds at the moment, he is somehow disrupting every single fiber of my being. I've stopped questioning all of the weird stuff that's been happening to me, because a quick Google search ALWAYS confirms that whatever strange bodily phenomenon I'm experiencing is yet another symptom of pregnancy. Did you know that hair loss can be due to pregnancy? But pregnancy can also cause your hair to become more thick and lustrous, so really whatever happens to your hair during this time is because of pregnancy.

As of right now, this little 3-4 pound child (along with all the fluid and what not that he's happily floating in) has caused my belly to swell to the point where I can no longer bend at the waist to pick something up off the floor. I have to squat, bending at the knees in order to lower myself. Sometimes getting up from this position is a problem because my center of balance has shifted. I have back pain, and my joints and hips keep spreading and stretching, despite their painful protests. Sleeping has become a nightly exercise in "creative pillow placement". Taiwan has crap maternity pillows, so currently I rely on five pillows, all placed at strategic points of my body. This gets me through the night, but I wake up in pain.

My couch is a quicksand of cushions and unnecessary fluff. Why did I used to think this Ikea contraption was the most comfortable thing in the world? Now when I sit on my couch, I put about four pillows behind my back to keep me from sinking back too far into the abyss. Otherwise, I need to gather all my strength and literally HEAVE my pregnant body off the couch.

I've had to give up really fun stuff. This isn't counting the whole first 22 weeks where I pretty much had to give up leaving the house, allowing scents to enter my nostrils, and eating food in general due to extreme "morning" sickness. No longer can I drink a nice cold beer in the evenings, or boil soak in a relaxing hot spring, and how I miss the pungent, delicious flavor of feta cheese!

This loss of bodily autonomy means that I can no longer flippantly enter into dangerous situations. Not that I was some sort of adrenaline junkie before, but I enjoyed zipping around Taipei on my little 100cc scooter. Open on all sides, the wind in my face -- it was glorious (when it wasn't raining)! I can't do that anymore. I would never forgive myself if I got into an accident and my son was hurt or killed. As he's grown beyond the confines of my pelvic bone, I sense his vulnerability. He's just hanging out there, and all I have to offer him as protection is my skin. I can't possibly jump onto a scooter with the same abandon that I once did.

But last week, I did. For the last time, I drove my beloved purple scooter. We realized that we no longer needed two scooters. I couldn't drive mine anymore, and once Jonathan gets here only one of us can drive at a time because there is absolutely no way that we're bringing him on a scooter (yes, it's quite common to see a Taiwanese family on a scooter, weaving in and out of traffic while the person on the back clutches their baby to their chest). That was it. I'm a mom, this is what needed to be done for my son. We sold my scooter instead of Ian's because we could get more money for it, and frankly, we need the money to pay for my doula and hippie dippy water birth at the birth center.

So I drove my scooter for the last time, straight to the guy who was buying it. It was a beautiful day! This of course reminded me of how much I would miss that wind in my face, that freedom. I realized that I was bound by some sort of biological destiny to sacrifice a ton of stuff for my son. I'm the one who can't ride a scooter in dangerous Taipei traffic anymore because he's living in my body. I'm the one who still has to watch what I eat and drink once he's born because he'll be eating from my body. As I rode my scooter on that beautiful day, I thought about how much this sucked.

I reached my destination, and reluctantly sold my freedom scooter. I began walking to the MRT (my new best friend), and I continued to reflect on how no matter how equality-minded you and your partner are, parenthood seems to require more of women in so many ways.

The sun was shining, and in spite of this realization, it was still a beautiful day. It was then that I felt Jonathan move, a lazy sort of movement that suggested he knew nothing of all this inner turmoil I was experiencing -- otherwise he would have been more apologetic about it, like, "Sorry to disturb you further, Mommy, but I just need to find a more comfortable position." I stepped over to the side of the sidewalk and placed my hand on my belly and felt it shift beneath my fingers. I watched people hurriedly passing me by, but I was no longer thinking about how much more was required of me, how much greater my alter was. What was a scooter, really, compared to enjoying this moment with my son? What a blessing, to be able to feel the first stirrings of life, and to feel them grow stronger day by day, finally culminating in a new little person on this earth. I'll feel the freeing feeling of the wind on my face again, but for now a certain patient slowness is called for. These last two month's before Jonathan's arrival are a time for preparation and reflection, and although I've lost some, I've gained much. So I'll take these moments, and surrender to the stretching of heart and skin, and trust that it's all worth it.

Ultrasound Update

Here's little Jonathan on the ultrasound at almost 24 weeks. It could be that only my family is interested in this, but I wanted to find some way for them to "participate" in this whole process even though they're so far away. Sorry, it's a little blurry. But to the expecting parents and grandparents, it's still beautiful!

Belly Pic #1

It's getting a little bigger, but I still think it looks more like a fat belly than a baby belly.



As of right now I'm about 18 weeks. Almost halfway there! =)